I failed my driving test today. With a smile on my face.
I parked perfectly at the test centre. 10 minutes later, the examiner asks me to do it again. He’s perfectly lovely, even trying to help me as much as his position allows and I still park across two bays. I think I failed then and there, so I just carried on. Just to see how I could drive.
It was kind of liberating, the assumption that I had already failed. I could just do my best. And thankfully, all my failures were where I already had identified problems. So whilst I failed, I was happy about how it had gone. I haven’t been well the last few days and had started talking myself out of taking the test at all. I’m so glad I didn’t, because I’ve been able to show myself I’m not nearly as bad as I thought.
And always, in the back of my mind, is Squidge. I knew I had to try for her. Aside from anything I can teach my daughter, I want to teach her how important it is to try. My failure today shows me what there is left to do. It has shown me what I am capable of, even with nerves.
I will never mind what it is that Squidge grows to find hard. But the hardest lesson I’ve had to learn is that you have to try. Nothing can change if you don’t try and sometimes, change is amazing. The sense of accomplishment is the best.
So little one, promise Mummy that you will always try. I will always be right there to guide you. But always try.
The things you will discover about yourself will amaze you. Just like you amaze me.