You’re halfway across the world right now. You met a boy and moved halfway across the world to be happy together. The day you told me you were going, I smiled and hugged you goodbye, full of happiness for you for the adventures you would have that I’ve never been brave enough to dream of. But as we waved you off on the coach that day, I burst into tears and said to Kev “She’s my best friend and I’m never going to see her again.”
You haven’t come home yet, but you’ve also refused to fade from my life as I feared you would. Not through any fault of your own of course, your priority has to be the life you’re building now in the sunshine. I feared it would be down to me, never managing to keep up with time differences, struggling to think of constantly positive things to say, even when they existed, because I was struggling so much. I didn’t want to blacken your new life by being honest about the extent of my struggles, even though I knew you were one of few people on this earth I could share them with completely.
I struggle to do that with a lot of my able friends but you’ve never tried to advise me, like it could come from a place of knowing. Your face hasn’t ever contorted into nauseating sympathy. Instead, you’re the friend who I trust implicitly to say “That’s shit. Let me get you a drink.”
I so need that in my life. I need you. That true friend that normalises me because it’s never occurred to you to treat me any differently. Thank you.
Because of you, there are beautiful blooms here with me for Mother’s Day. From all the way across the world, you decided to celebrate my greatest achievement with me. Because you absolutely know that that is what Squidge is for me. You’re not obliged to value that in any way but you do because you know I give it my all.
These beautiful flowers will meet their inevitable end in my hands because I’m terrible at remembering to water them. But I know you know that about me. The fact you thought about me is enough to make me smile every time I walk past them. I like having a little bit of you back with me. The note that told me what an incredible mum you know me to be to my precious girl made me feel like you were stood next to me, chatting away. It made me happy.
So, even if I am inevitably rubbish at checking in, know that I love you. You are the best friend all this growing up gave me. You are, as I discovered yesterday the only woman besides his wife and mum that Kev has ever deemed worthy of buying dinner for. That is to say, we know how lucky we are to have you in our lives (and if he didn’t pay, he bloody well will when you’re back on these shores!)
I love you, darlin’ girl. Thank you for always being my friend from everywhere you are.