It’s been a while…

Apologies for radio silence. Life’s been all change again.

Kev, Squidge and I moved into our own home… complete with a bedroom already painted pink for Squidge. Serious adulting going on and I’m so so proud of Kev for working so hard to be able to provide such a lovely home for us all. I’m loving waking up each morning with all this space! Few boxes still around but we managed to buy most of the furniture in so it’s been functional since we finally managed to get our hands on the keys.
It has pitfalls though. The two bathrooms are beautifully tiled, aka slippery as hell, so on our second day here, I slipped on a puddle I didn’t even notice when I turned round from washing my hands in the downstairs bathroom and went crashing into the kitchen. I had to scream for Kev to help me up. I have an almighty sore bruise on my arm where I landed.

The lounge is laminated which represents a similar problem. But mainly, laminate isn’t something that Squidge seems willing to crawl on (and she is so ready!) She cries whenever I leave her to make a bottle now – I suppose she’s used to always being able to keep her eye on me from the flat. She undeniably says “Mum’ and “Mama’ now, has done for a few months in all honesty, and as unlikely as I know it sounds, I also know it is true simply because Kev admitted when he heard her – and he was dying for Daddy to be her first word!

But “Mum’ actually means “I want something” and more recently ‘Where have you gone?’ And leaving her on laminate floor means she makes one hell of a racket when she throws her head back. I flinch every time because it sounds like she’s cracked her skull open but what do I know? I can’t lift her as easily from these floors because her skin sticks. But she is an adaptable little thing and has started sitting up halfway so it’s easier to lift her. I can feel her worry when I carry her up and down the stairs to her cot now though; she trusts my balance about as much as I do!

I do wonder if she’ll mind when she comes to understand more about my differences. I hope that all that will matter is that I love her more than life.

My hips are still an issue when I carry her. Sometimes it feels like my whole weight goes through my hip and that my leg has gone “missing’ and is no longer there to take my weight. Speaking to other CP mums on Facebook, it seems that hip issues after the weight and adjustments of pregnancy are pretty common and unlikely to improve. Makes me apprehensive for another pregnancy journey which is so sad, because I already know I want to do it again. Squidge isn’t a baby anymore. Six months old and such a little person. Really, she blows my mind – how could I not want to do it again? Look at what amazing things my wiped out body can do!

Squidge on the highly anticipated (and very hot) moving in day – wondering where all these boxes are going to go!

I’m even managing to swim a little. No refined technique as yet, but my lovely instructor Lindsey says I have the mechanics of 3 strokes down…. sometimes even managing to swim in straight lines. And I’m so damn proud of myself. I need to stay well to enjoy the awesome new directin my life has taken. How sad is it that I get pleasure from housework, or slinging a meal in the slow cooker? All for my family in my home! I almost want to be able to have the next baby now so that I can stay at home and do all the little things.

Now that we’ve moved – I finally went to Rhymetime! I told you I’d let you know when I finally made it. The library is walking distance from my house and they do sessions on one of the days I’ll be off from work so I’m thrilled. It’s on at 11am, so I actually have a chance of making it. Been talking to some local mums. All positive and promising. Not that I ever think I’ll be what I call “the Instagram Mum”, but I’m OK with that.

The last couple of days I’ve been taking Squidge’ breakfast bottle to her in her room and feeding her in the nursing chair with my massager on. And I’ve held her in my arms like I did when we first bought her home. Except now I see that her “baby toes” shoot out way across my lap and she doesn’t need me to hold her, more give her somewhere to sit. But that moment of contentment is not yet lost. She stares up at me so intently, sometimes with a smile twinkling in her eyes (and peeking out from either side of the teat) and I realise these are the moments of maternity leave I will treasure (and will undoubtedly sob for in the loo at work when I go back in…. *gulp* 6 weeks.)

Those beautiful moments that are made for just me and her, when it doesn’t matter whether we left the house or did anything extravagant. Just Mummy and Squidge together.

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