Smile…. though your heart is aching

I go back to work on Monday.

There. Crying again.

I wish I didn’t have to. I know everyone does. I’ve never had my heart physically ache before. When I took Squidge for her first settling in at nursery, I felt like someone had ripped off my arm.

Her grandparents took her for the next one because I had a tummy bug and I just sat in the lounge looking at the baby walker not being played with and I felt so damn lost and empty. I was practically tearing at the straps of the car seat when they bought her home.

But I desperately don’t want to be a clingy mum. She deserves her independence and she doesn’t need my hang ups. I just wish I didn’t have to leave her. My head will be everywhere! Nothing’s going to have purpose like being a mum now is it? I always thought that sounded so cliche but they become such a part of you. I understand how everything works when I have Squidge.

The need to stay at home therefore is entirely selfish. She’ll be fine… she’s ready to be out in the world making friends. So I will have to work hard until that luxury to be back at home can work for our family.

But my God, Squidge, Mummy has had the best time with you! I love you, baby One. I hope you know how much I’ll miss you!

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