We are at the end of the very first week of both of my teeny, tiny baby girls being in full time school. I can’t believe we’re here already. But my tiniest girl was ready. As her peers clung to legs and hips, uncertain about leaving their mums and dads, my only just four year old gave me a hug, and pushed her way through the crowds blocking the entrance to her new classroom. She loved it.

A week on, she’s still confidently pushing her way through the door each day, although she is perplexed that this is a full time obligation now. When I explained she had to go to school every day now just like her big sister, she answered: “What, still?” It made me chuckle.

I did wonder if she might be missing our rotation of playgroups and gym classes. I know I am. I took her to our favourite preschool gym class for the last time before she started school and I had such a tug in my chest as I watched her play. I’ve been going there for 7 years on and off, between both girls. I won’t go again.

My babies are grown, my nest, at least between 9-3 is empty.

I thought that meant that time would be free, so I could turn to all the positive habits I wanted to build, to finally look after myself. But the length of my To Do List, you know, the one that all parents keep, that never gets smaller; all those itty-bitty tasks we never seem to get around to; has made me cry. Not until Wednesday did I start blasting through it and feeling productive. I think, I hope, I’m hitting my stride now. I might even get back to some regular blogging.

Because we’ve had such a good summer. I have always, unintentionally, put so much pressure on myself to “make memories” and it has never ended well. So this year, I put it in the hands of the girls. We made a list of the things they wanted to do and we absolutely smashed it.

We went bowling, swimming, soft play, the cinema, the park, playing with playdough or board games or exploring new parks or having breakfast or going to swimming lessons.

Kev has been around a lot more because he’s been winding up at his job before starting another in mid September. It was lovely. Memories made themselves without any great stress from me. This was the summer I wanted to have with my girls before I was left with no choice but to wave them off.

I have wondered if I will feel lonely left at home. So far, I have been too busy to feel lonely, so that’s good. But the absolute silence of our house; not needing to shout up the stairs to check what that bang was, or what the girls are doing? It’s so odd. I even went into the supermarket by myself, which I haven’t done for years. Not needing to placate my little sidekick with a barcode scanner and a trip to the children’s checkout – disconcerting.

I miss them. But that’s OK, right? It means I will be an even better mummy when they can be back at home with me in the school holidays. God knows, they’ll be here quick enough right? And the memories can make themselves again. We can have fun.